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Interview tomorrow!

14 Jan

January 14, 2013 at 5pm I have a job interview! It is a receptionist at a spine care clinic.. I am extremely nervous although also quite excited. Changing jobs could really give me the leg up that I need to be able to make 2013 my year and it not be just another year like every other.. I would be able to pay off some debts, get a car back.. just be a little bit happier for the income that I would be bringing in versus the nanny job that I have now that is just barely paying the minimum of everything with no extras which is quite mentally exhausting.

So I have been reading up on different questions and getting some mentally prepared answered all set for tomorrow in my head and I’m hoping for the best at this point.. wish me luck!

how is your 2013 going so far?

 

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A little about life…

9 Jan

So I know I was going to keep this to what makes me smile and bucket lists and all my list making.. trust me I’m working on it, it seems like there are never enough hours in a day anymore to accomplish much more then sleeping, working, eating and working out.. I tell ya!

But in the midst of all of my sleeping..eating..working out.. etc.. I have finally accepted that there are some things in life you truly can’t change. I don’t really want to get into the details because honestly… it is something I need to let go of, but just know for anyone who happens to read this, if you are in any type of a relationship even a friendship and you wake up one day and you feel like its just too much to handle.. truth is, it is. When that happens the best advice I have is to distance yourself from it. I know everyone says fight harder for something that you want, but honestly.. there is a point where you can’t be the only one feeling like you’re fighting something and there has to be something out there that will make you happier in the end. Keep looking and keep your head up.. I’m a firm believer that you can find good things… I’m still trying myself.. so look with me.

Short list of what I’m looking for?
-my own fairy tale… that right guy..
-a better job
-happier and healthier choices

I was talking to a friend, who remembers Dave?, yesterday because I was pretty down and out about everything in my life.. the thing is, he said the most amazing thing to me that anyone has ever said and he said it so easily that it seemed like he wasn’t lying to make me feel better.. I should look through my texts and quote his pep talk and I think I might just do that..

it shouldn’t bother you to feel like you don’t fit in, why put yourself in a position that you don’t want to be in…you dont have to change for others, never change who you are, you are perfect just the way you are and never let anyone tell you any different… yo don’t do things because you have to, you do them becuase you want to and they make you happy and you have to remember how perfect you are and not let anyone try to change what they dont like thats their problem not yours.

That might not mean a lot to everyone but at that moment in time those few texts meant the entire world to me.. I went on to tell him that I needed a hug and and he told me that could be arranged.. it was probably too bold of me but it seems like it might have worked, he then told me  hes free this weekend after getting out of work at 6 on Saturday.. so I might hit him up and see if he’s up for a movie and a little cuddling, I could really use that hug right about now.

For anyone having a bad day.. please smile.. but never ask if it can get worse.. because it can.. trust me!

Goodbye 2012

30 Dec

As 2012 is winding to a close, I feel like it’s time to recap the year. 2012 brought with it some highs and some of my all time lowest lows. I learned this year that emotionally exhausted is a state of mind and so is useless, butter and angry. I learned that crying yourself to sleep doesn’t always make things better but sometimes it needs to be done and it isn’t a sign of weakness it is just pure exhaustion and frustration and most times you really do feel better when you just let it go. On the flip side of all that… I have also realized that, strong, forgiving and overcoming are also a state of mind and much more pleasant one at that.

My music taste has bounced around with my moods like crazy and my ipod is definitely a constant for me and really one of the things that I don’t think I would want to live without. I have read new books, I have watched new movies and I’ve realized little things about you do change as time goes on… and if you don’t try to embrace them you can never really become the person you are meant to be. For example, I love romantic comedies and feel good movies and I always will… but a little action and horror aren’t too bad either. My love for the Dallas Cowboys has not changed though… I realized this year watching fans from other teams that it’s not about winning or losing, a true fan is a fan even when your team plain old sucks and that is what it’s all about, that is supporting the team. It’s support in a time of happy or sad… I think we should all take that into consideration when supporting something or someone, it’s doesn’t matter if they are good or suck, you just have to do support them unconditionally because that is what it is all about.

I learned this year that fairy tales don’t come true like in the books. That having a check list of what you’re looking for in someone or having an ideal of who you want them to be, what you want them to say, how you want them to act… is only going to let you down in the end. I have let go of this ideal this year… as it’s coming to a close I am letting the walls that I have up about this type of thing go with it, because I have to write my own fairy tale in life and I can’t live it or write it like everyone else is writing there’s and honestly, I have never fit into the mold that everyone else lives into, so there is no sense in trying to fit in when I was born to stand out and I will write my own fairy tale and it will be amazing…someday, when it’s time and when I’m ready.

I’ve learned the true meaning of friendship this year and that it is the person who is still standing with you even on your darkest day and that for me… that person is my mom. I learned that some people I thought were my real friends and that were always going to be there are the people that drop you the hardest and the fastest and it hurts the most. Put effort into your friendships, that is what I learned… if you have a friendship that is worth your effort, don’t let it go… but on the note… know when it’s time to let go. I have learned this year that it is time for me to let go of a lot of my relationships… if they are true ones they will come back just as strong as ever and if they aren’t, then letting them go and letting go of the hurt is definitely the right decision.

Working out has become my down fall for a mood boost and I’m thankful for the gym and my ability to be active…that is something I never though I’d say…

Resolutions… everyone always makes resolutions for the new year right? losing weight.. getting fit.. quitting smoking.. all sound familiar? the truth is for me… I’ve never believed in resolutions. I have always felt they were putting too pressure on yourself and that they were just a reason to feel like a failure because sometimes you have to do things in steps… so I have never had one. However this year I have a resolution. It is to be happy. It is to find the things that make me happy and figure out who that person is again. It is to let the others who influence my happiness not bother me and to let no one alter my mood without my permission. I am going to find the reasons that make me happy… that’s what I wanted to do with this blog…and I am going to try to come up with 1000 reasons in the next year..that is quite the task but I feel like I can do it because there are so many reasons in my life to be happy, little or big and I think we all could use a reminder of the reasons. I’m going to try to write my bucket list too.. but I’m going to focus more on my reasons and I hope you all can join me along the year and maybe help when I get stuck.

So I’ve survived 2012 even though at times it was rocky, even the Mayans said it would be, and I’m looking forward to welcoming 2013 into my life along with all the new challenges, trails and emotions that it is bound to bring my way. I don’t know about you but I’m hoping 2013 is my year. The year where I can finally say “this year was amazing, and I can’t wait for next year” I’m going to focus on making this year, my year. Goodbye 2012…and hello 2013… let’s do this thing!

xoxo
❤ Melinda Sue

Happy New Year Everyone!

Feeling like a disappointment

7 Dec

Ever think you have everything in your life completely figured out and one thing happens and the entire bottom falls out and it all just comes crashing down? I had a day like that today… it is so exhausting. I don’t know how everyone else feels but even when it isn’t my fault that things fall apart I feel like such a disappointment when in truth the only person that I’m letting down is me. Does anyone else ever feel like they are just a complete disappointment to anyone? I know that probably sounds weird, but it’s a feeling like nothing else in this entire world… I swear to it. You get a point when you hit rock bottom and you realize that disappointment is a mind set.

So I’m trying to push through how I feel in doing so I thought maybe if anyone else was feeling the same way I could make you feel a little better. I think we all know in our heart that we are awesome, that’s just the honest truth… the thing is you have to get through all the day to day crap in order to actually feel awesome but when it’s all crashing down you end up just feeling like you can’t do anything right. Please keep in mind that you are doing everything right and there are some circumstances in life where you just don’t have control over how they play out, what happens or how things turn out in general. You just have to roll with it and see how it all ends up. Absolutely nothing in life is ever beyond repair, that is how I truly feel… I feel like if you try hard enough you can always fix everything there is always a way.. where there’s a will, there’s a way..right?

Hardest part about all that is reminding myself while I’m hitting rock bottom that it’s true. You can never truly disappoint anyone in your life that truly loves you because they love you for who you are, regardless of what you do.. and that is when you need to realize that you have to love yourself too. I know that is like the queerest thing you heard all day, right? But the thing is it’s true… you have to be able to love yourself… in loving yourself and knowing you are doing the best you can you will know that you are not disappointing anyone or being a disappointment, all roads have bumps and you just have to manage to go over them until everything smooths out again.

Hugs from me to you if you are feeling down today.. Happy Friday Eve!

Monday Fun facts

3 Dec

First I found out how annoying the walk in clinic is… I mean seriously I was there for an hour!! because there were like 3 people in front of me and the worst part is, they were coughing and I do not have a cough therefore I wasn’t sharing any of my germs but they don’t even cover their mouth! I swear some people didn’t have a mother at home growing up and don’t have a wife now because they have no manners at all, drives me nuts! and if that wasn’t bad enough, apparently I don’t have pink eye, which is fine with me… I just have an extremely bad sinus infection that has my eyes irritated… I almost think it’s worse! I have some medications now to hopefully straighten it all up but I don’t even feel sick for having an extreme sinus infection, I have felt worse with allergies..

and last but not least, it is hard to write a blog post on your telephone, I would have to have a lot more time and focus to write something decent instead of just the little update that I gave because it was a doozy, although my eyes aren’t too willing to focus on much of anything so I guess that would make sense.. hope you all had an amazing monday!

 

walk in drs office

3 Dec

im trying to remember some of the reasons that make me happy while i sit at the walk in wwiting not so patiently for my turn to get something to address my pink eye…how frustrating!

Late Saturday or Early Sunday?

11 Nov

Either way… Happy November everyone! I know I am about 11 days late… fun fact.. 11 is my lucky number. I have taken some time to really think things over with this blog and me and what I wanted to do and I am excited about achievements and making this blog more about my goals and accomplishing my own personal bucket list, regular lists, resolutions.. you name it I am going to talk to talk about.. not much different then how it started now is it??

I have spent the last few days compiling a list of things that make me happy (simple pleasures)… a list of things I want to do while I have the chance (a bucket list)… a list of things I would love to do but that require someone else so I might never have the ability so I don’t feel like they should go on the same list (having a baby)… and then I even did some thinking about resolutions already to get them in place too. I am almost set with everything and am now working on getting images and putting tasks down and getting prints. I found a site (called york.com) that is cheaper then shutterfly so I am pretty much in love with that because it won’t cost me near as much to get prints even though it’s kind of hundreds… it should still be amazing and fun and not cost too much which is fantastic. I will show you guys before and afters of my room when I make my walls and different things and would love to help anyone out who likes the idea and wants to achieve it themselves. I think in the process I’m going to make my own headboard too so keep an eye out for that coming soon.

Aside from all that, I am very excited for the next 2ish months… this is my absolute favorite time of the year! I love summer, sunshine, flip flops, hoodies..all of that stuff but my love for Thanksgiving and Christmas an the entire season itself can not be trumped by anything else… the movies, lights, atmosphere, baking and love that can be portrayed is something that is so special I wish people would treasure it all year long… I personally know how hard it is to be over the top happy all the time and really can’t be an expectation but there are so many little ways you can show someone you love them throughout the year… don’t always wait for a holiday… I guess where my rant is going with that is to not wait, you never know when your last time of seeing someone might be so don’t leave anything unsaid…that’s my honest motto… doesn’t always work out when I get pissy because sometimes you just can’t help it, but I’m pretty sure you all know exactly where I’m coming from with that.

I hope you have all had an amazing last two weeks and weekend! I can’t wait to start sharing some things with you guys and really start getting my lists tamed…I’ve even realized that I have accomplished a fair amount of things off my ideal bucket list that I didn’t even realize I had done, so that was pretty exciting for me…especially when I am at this point in my life where I feel like I’m not going anywhere or achieving anything and I feel pretty low about it all.. I am a list maker at heart and sometimes that is the best thing about me.