A wedding and a realization

21 Oct

My friends wedding was great, at least the part I stayed for.. I had to skip out shortly after the first dance, which sucked a little but not a lot because I left before there was a lot of drinking (it was open bar) and before I had to feel bad about the lack of a slow dance partner so that was good.. but I also got to just go which actually felt really nice… I’m not the kind of girl who often just drives an hour to do something like that all by myself and to do it for once in my life it actually felt really good and kind of gave me a little bit of a mood booster, which after this week was needed… I’ll post a few pictures from the day at the end of this!

The realization?? there were two… and they can be both be summed up by one of my favorite quotes:

it’s better to be hated for who you are then be loved for who you’re not

1. I’ve been really down lately and I think a lot of it stems from feeling like at my age I thought I was going to be somewhere that I’m not… I’m not in a seriously relationship, I don’t have that “grown up job” yet, the amazing car, house, kids, etc…and everyone else seems to have something better… truth is, after talking to some old friends from high school who were at this wedding, I am exactly in life where they are… sure 2 of them live with their boyfriends/girlfriends, but the truth is..we’re all not there yet and I think seeing that/talking about that truthfully made it a  lot better. The little thing that really knocked it out of the park for me was this other friend from high school she always acted a little better in high school but she had the decency to at least try to be nice to your face… but she went to a fancy school, is a big deal engineer with a big deal engineer fiance and she was actually too good to speak to anyone except him… that is when I realized that I would rather be me, doing exactly what I’m doing then to be something big and be too good for where I came from. All in all my mood is feeling a lot better and I feel like it’s definitely something that I needed.

and last but not least… I texted Dave after all week

2. I texted Dave because he had mentioned me stopping by to see him at work last week when we were texting and the place of the wedding was right across the street, he texted me back kind of quickly and told me he was sorry it had been all week but it was just too busy breathe and he hadn’t had a moment, we texted back a few more times and he mentioned being really busy at his moms… funny he always works on Saturdays… but apparently he took today off, I never realized I was so bad you would honestly take a day off to avoid me… so I sent him one last text that said “I am going to go ahead and do you favor of being the bad guy and just take that hint that hanging out once was obviously enough for you and you don’t have the interest. If I’m wrong please feel free to correct me but I am going to assume that I won’t be seeing you this weekend either” now mind you, he had said last weekend he would be at the Scentsy party my mom was having for me today which was why I left the wedding early… he never wrote back. So I am definitely going to take the hint and stop putting in the effort… I realized on my hour drive home completely alone and with my ipod blaring that begging/nagging/hoping whatever it is that I’m doing with the texting first all the time, etc… is a waste of my time, I am eventually going to find someone who will want to talk to me enough to text me first and to actually set up real dates with set times and everything… a part of me wishes Dave felt that way because it was a really great first date, but another part of me is glad that it finally hit me that I don’t need to be trying that hard on someone who isn’t even meeting me half way, that wouldn’t be a very healthy relationship.

Those two realizations figured out and I am actually feeling a lot better after it all. I hope you all are having a fantastic weekend… tomorrow starts a new week and I am going to try to face it head on and hope that it goes better then last week!

Some Wedding Fun!

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